Gone

I miss you when I tie my boots in the morning,

and when I wrap myself tightly

in that oversized shawl.

The air of a gray autumn day

reminds me of a drive around town

and all those cigarette breaks you used to take.

I miss the smell of poison seeping into my skin

while I’d watch you lose yourself in a daydream.

I miss you when I light my candles

and look out the window into the evening light,

so magnificently blue –

like your eyes

and the color of our sheets.

I smile at the thought of your cynicism

while standing in the organic foods section;

I loved you anyway.

I see you in the face of a child

resting his head on my shoulder

while I hum to some old Bob Dylan tunes.

I feel your fingers tangled in the strands of my hair

each time I look in the mirror;

and even though I know you are gone,

your spirit moves me to dance…

I need you when the lights go out

and silence speaks more powerfully

than any words we’ve ever said.

I wrap myself in thoughts of you,

like a blanket on a chilly night,

and I wait.

Without trying,

you live through me, in me,

no matter where I am in this unfamiliar place.

I keep you close as a necklace

resting on my collarbone…

I’ve become so good at living this way.

One by one, the loves of my life,

gone.

2008