Cannot Not

I cannot imagine days when waking up to the curves of your body blending with mine would feel like a distant memory… I cannot imagine not seeing your face in the glow of morning light, as we steal a few minutes out of the day to be together alone, before we give ourselves reluctantly to all the tasks and responsibilities… I cannot imagine days when I would no longer hear the door come ajar, and run to the edge of the stairs to lose myself in that contagious smile you so easily flash. “Hi, beautiful!” is what you would no longer say; our arms would no longer wrap around each other while I closed my eyes and let your scent permeate my nostrils. I cannot imagine nights when your body would no longer curl up behind mine, cradling me as we sleep… I cannot imagine not having you on the other end of these words; thoughts of you and us together woven into all that I do… There is nowhere in this world I would rather be, but wherever it is that you come home to. And if life takes us to a time when all of these moments are fewer and farther in between, I will be patient; I will wait for sunlight to land on your perfect face again, and your naked body to lay open, waiting for me to melt over you. I cannot imagine us fading into memories. I want to know you in the ever-unfolding present – your warmth, your smile, your tenderness, your passion, sheltering me from the barb wire of the daily grind – for as long as this earthly body allows me to tap into the awareness of you… To know you, love you, and offer you all I have, while joyfully taking what you freely give – I cannot imagine not.

Yet here I sit now, in a different reality. And I hold myself close, remembering you.