In yoga, there are ten qualities (or ethical principles) by which we are called to live our lives, so that the way we experience life and show up in the world is aligned with our highest purpose – living from the heart, When we live from the heart, we are gracious with ourselves, compassionate with others, stewards of nature, and in harmony with the divine nature of everything around us. We feel grounded yet uplifted; we are utterly selfless yet in complete alignment with everything that is self-serving. We understand the duality of human experience as well as oneness that envelops and permeates us.
Sanskrit words for the first two principles are Ahimsa (non-harming) and Satya (truthfulness). While Ahimsa is often translated as non-harming, peacefulness is another way to understand it. We are called to do more than refrain from causing harm. We are called to be the agents of peace. Satya refers to more than simply speaking the truth. It calls us to live our lives authentically and honor our integrity, which is the source of our personal power.
In the context of interpersonal relationships both in personal and professional settings, we often find ourselves in situations where these two principles seem to be at odds. When we need to communicate a harsh truth, how do we do so peacefully? When we are called to hold people accountable to their actions, how do we do so without causing harm?
Truthfulness and authenticity in the context of Satya aren’t synonymous with blurting out harsh truths, or committing to radical honesty without carefully contemplating ways in which the message might be received. While we cannot control how someone might receive the truth we are communicating, we can control the delivery. We can peacefully engage in building awareness.
It’s easy to say – let’s hold people accountable. But this language creates an “us versus them” environment, and puts people on alert. When people are in a state of stress, they cannot show up as their best selves, because they do not have access to the part of the brain that allows them to function at their highest level. If our intention is to create a climate of trust, growth and mutual support, the first step to making a change is to raise awareness. Can we raise awareness gracefully so that a person hears the message with their heart open, rather than feel the need to call up their defense mechanisms and remain armored and unyielding? Hearing a message with one’s heart, opens the door to genuine curiosity, gentleness and compassion. Only when one is open to a new perspective, curious about an experience of another person, and gentle with oneself while considering it, can one truly begin to make a shift and become accountable to oneself.
Awareness is also the first step towards repairing interpersonal relationships. We will not seek to repair anything that we aren’t aware is broken. We will not shift to a more elevated or compassionate state of mind if we are not aware of the consequences of not doing so. We will not bring about positive change if we aren’t aware of the impact our behavior or actions have in the present moment.
To make a positive change in oneself, one needs to feel intrinsically inspired and ready to change. We can’t make people change on our timeline. That is why holding someone accountable for their actions won’t get them to change, but might get them to leave. And sometimes severing relationships that are harmful for our personal or collective well-being is necessary. But if the intention is to foster an environment of personal and interpersonal growth, of which trust, encouragement and mutual support are cornerstones, we need to focus on raising awareness rather than push accountability. Remembering the intention behind Ahimsa and Satya might be what we need to evoke the clarity of mind and the compassion of the heart to do so gracefully.
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