It is quite common, especially in the initial stages of a relationship, to hear ourselves say to our new partner “You make me feel so ______ (good, beautiful, happy)” and to attribute our newly found levels of satisfaction solely to this person’s presence in our life.
And then some time passes, those high frequency feelings fade, and we find ourselves going through the same contemplations and the same emotional experiences as we did before this new person came into our life. While this person hasn’t changed, we start to see them differently. We think that they have changed because they don’t inspire the same feelings in us anymore…where in reality, we simply regained homeostasis.
The new person never made us feel anything… It is our thoughts, created in response to the person’s presence in our life, that created the feelings which we attributed to something outside of ourselves.
Another person can inspire us, motivate us, comfort and encourage us; they can provide validation and affirmation…but all this is merely a stimulus that creates a shift in our thinking, which in turn creates different emotions that we begin to experience (i.e. excitement, enthusiasm, safety, determination, elevated levels of happiness). We need to become conscious of these new thoughts that are creating these new emotional states so that we can begin to actively create new patterns of thinking. The awareness of this process is essential to creating lasting positive change.
It is not the other person’s responsibility to keep inspiring us. It is our responsibility to stay inspired and thank them for turning our gaze toward our own radiance.
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