One of the essential pieces of child development curriculum is the teaching that all behavior stems from a conscious or subconscious attempt to meet a need. Knowing this helps parents and caregivers become more compassionate when faced with children’s undesirable behavior. Children act intuitively and impulsively to answer the inner calling of their bodies and psyche with little regard to how their behavior affects others.
Some people are amazed when they learn, or realize, that all behavior is an attempt to meet an underlying need. This realization becomes an invitation for an inward journey and reflection. When the light of awareness uncovers the pieces of the past that have been buried in shame and guilt, the end result is often self-forgiveness and a profound sense of peace. This is a beautiful thing insofar it does not excuse hurtful actions.
It takes self-awareness as well as understanding, respect and appreciation of others to behave in a way that is in alignment with one’s values and one’s path and meets the underlying needs without causing havoc in one’s wake. Learning how to do this is one of the tasks of adulthood.
When we learn how to express our feelings and needs authentically and kindly (without the excuse “I can show up however I want because all feelings are valid”) and when we can behave in a way that is both true, non-harming and aligned with our individual path (without the excuse of “I was just meeting my needs”) then we can say that we are a person of integrity, and we can model to young people what it means to be such a person.
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