Authenticity, or Acting on a Whim?

Authenticity does not mean acting impulsively, or on a “whim,” according to what is real for you from moment to moment; it is, instead, a stable way of being and acting in the world that is in alignment with your intentions, values, and your deepest desires. 

I have recently had a conversation with a dear friend about the value of acting according to “what is alive in us” (the phrase Marshall Rosenberg used frequently in his NVC workshops). While I absolutely agree on the importance of communicating softly and gracefully what one is presently feeling and needing in order to attempt to meet one’s need, I also believe that acting according to one’s feelings moment to moment is not conducive to peaceful relationships. 

If we frequently act on a whim (according to what is alive in us), we run the risk of coming across as compulsive and unpredictable, which is not conducive to harmony, stability and peace we are wishing to establish in our relationships. 

This is not to say that we should avoid being authentic. We need to learn the difference between being true to ourselves in a general sense and acting in alignment with our values and goals, versus acting on a whim. Feelings change frequently and can be greatly influenced by external circumstances that trigger unconscious beliefs, and are not merely the effect of conscious thoughts. Having the awareness around this, and reminding ourselves of the deeper desires and intentions can help us pace ourselves so that we could respond consciously and gracefully.